top of page

Watering the Lawn


I’ve pissed on lawns of rich men

I mean that earnestly


I landscaped three summers digging sod

Moving rocks and rarely was

A bathroom offered for our use

But being human pee one must 

And so I’d take great pleasure

In dropping my pants and squatting over 

Bob or Paul or David or Trevor’s

Rose bush festooned and perfectly pruned

Yard for a piss. 


I’d do it with a gleeful giggle

And I felt I’d be remiss 

At the end of each piss 

If I didn’t give my little ass a wiggle

I mean, I’d silently beg their pardon

But I’d hate to have my knickers get messy

While attending to their yards and gardens

Or weeding among their delicious veggies.


The yard I took most delight in pissing on

Was owned by a man named Phil

I’d choose a spot just a little bit hidden

Behind the well-tended rhododendron

This man had years ago been an utter mean asshole

To my ex and so 

Although some would say I was lacking in dignity

I’d pee in his yard with fucking remorseless glee

I never got to tell my ex about this act

If he found out I’m fairly sure he’d clap 


I also took pleasure discovering that this anal prick

Had made a decision for some expensive stone 

Instead of common brick

For the pavers around his wee fish pond

This stone flaked in the frost and cold

Chipped off in chunks and spread around

I imagine him a bit 

Frustrated by the poor choice he’d made

I’m probably being kind 

He may well have had a fit

When he thought how much money he’d paid

To have this expensive, 

But badly suited stone be laid



And on some days when my co-worker and I

Were wet and cold and sitting outside

We’d look in at wives all warm 

And sometimes we’d feel a bit forlorn

Then we would remember that however bad it got

Out here trying to stay warm in our unheated work truck

That at least we did not have to fuck

Nasty men like Phil

That thought could really give us the chills

And so we’d laugh and count our very good luck

As we finished our sandwiches  and drained our thermos flasks

Wiped off our hands 

And gladly got back to our 

Menial and dirty tasks

bottom of page